My 3 year old cries ALL the time!! Every little thing would end up with tears and howls. Nearly everything is either a power struggle or a cry out session and it’s frustrating (for me!). We desperately needed a solution to the crying fits which was driving the hubs and I completely bonkers. We had tried talking to Little Monkey when things wouldn’t go her way and occasionally she’d stop and talk to us, however most times she’d scream her guts out until something else distracted her.
I don’t like giving in to her demands so I used to let the crying continue and tried to block it out but when it happens numerous times a day, tempers can spiral (especially at the end of the day). It was on one such night that I was strolling through Instagram when I saw this picture shared by My So Called Mommy Life. She’s a behavior therapist, teacher and mom so she definitely knows what she’s doing was my thinking at the time. She shared a reward chart where her three year old was getting stickers in exchange for good behaviour and apparently it was working!
The mere thought of one cry free day had me so giddy! I figured we had nothing to lose (except the crying) and we gave it a try. As usual I told Little Monkey exactly what was going on and we chose one action that would get her a sticker. No crying. Simple and easy to understand. If she didn’t cry she’d get a sticker. She chose her rewards and surprisingly only one of them involved a sugary treat, the others were fun activities! I didn’t even have to bribe with treats and that was the icing on my tear free cake.
So how did we do? She had 56 chances at getting a sticker and she got 15. That was 15 half days of not crying and I was glad. It really did work most days and in between we were travelling which meant that the sticker chart was forgotten at home. We had split each day into two parts (waking up to 1 ‘o’ clock and then 1 ‘o’ clock to bedtime) and I started noticing that she’d sit and stare at the chart on certain days. These were the days when there would be no crying. We did it for that first month and she not only got her Kinder Egg and to go skating but she also got to go swimming. The Movies was a challenge and truth be told, we’re not sure we’re ready for that!
Once March rolled around I ripped the chart off, much to her dismay and that brought on a whole new conversation about months and how we need a new chart for each month ( I had to use our birthdays to get the point across). I got lazy and never got around to putting the new chart up and then yesterday I realized how she’s been crying every single day this month. Was the chart working? I think so. Maybe. It was reinforcement and a reminder that she had other options for dealing with her emotions. One month was too short a time period for her to learn that lesson and so we need to bring that behaviour chart back! STAT!
Some people may not agree with rewarding certain behaviours but I’m totally okay with it. We have plenty of other battles to deal with such as aggresive play and not following orders promptly. For those I use threats of throwing away her toys and while it can be a tiresome negotiation, that too works. I just like the fact that the stickers do the work for me and that I don’t have to spend what little energy I have trying to talk her down the crying ledge!
Does your three year old cry all the time? Is this just a phase?
