$#*! my Mum says!

It’s been a month and a couple weeks after the delivery and  I’ve been super lucky to have my mum with us this entire time. The perks include not having to do one iota of cleaning or cooking.. oh and bathing the little monkey, buying groceries or paying for a baby sitter. Pretty neat eh? However those perks also come with (mostly uncalled for) advice, useless facts and whole bunch of randomness. Now that she’s gone back to India (that’s where the ‘rents are currently nomad-ing)  I  thought I’d dedicate this post in my mum’s honour by sharing some of the quips I’ve had to listen to these past  few weeks. Hopefully she doesn’t swing by this blog…

Some of these quips might have some merit, but they sound ridonculous and I really haven’t researched them. You be the judge!

•  Crying baby? Just write “Not today, come tomorrow” on the bedroom door with chalk. That will stop the little one from bawling her brains out.
• Don’t  breastfeed while your hair is wet (after a  shower), the baby will get a cold.
• Baby staring at the wall and smiling? Those are the fairies playing with her.
• Don’t touch the soft part of the top of the head on a newborn – she will die.
• Eat roasted garlic the week after delivery to clean the new mom’s insides out.
• Eating lots of butter will prevent stretch marks.
• Push the baby’s new belly stump – this will ensure a nice “innie”
• Crying baby?  Rub some ground  (over a stone)  sandalwood and turmeric paste around the belly button.
• Poor eyesight? Bad vision? That’s only because you’re refusing to acknowledge something in your life.
• Use cloth diapers if you love your child. Anything else is pure torture to the baby.
• Do you have a wriggly baby? That’s what the washing machine does! Twisted clothes = wriggly child.
• Pat a child’s butt so that she grows up to have  a  nice big attractive ass.
• Don’t seat/stand a newborn upright on your lap, always have them lying down till three months so that they develop a nice long neck.
• Never bathe a baby in the evening, they  will develop a cold.

On a side note Movember soon ends , why not contribute to a fella who’s willing to let you dictate his shave? http://ca.movember.com/mospace/2782034/