I’ve been fortunate to have both sides of grandparents be very hands on when they’re around and lately we’ve been lucky to have my parents whisk the kids away for an entire weekend. When these occasions arise, the hubs and I are sure to make the most of our alone time and ensure we catch up on the movies and restaurants we’ve saved for date nights. However as we revel in our kid free moments, I’m also left wondering about some who don’t have the luxury of grandparents (or extra sets of hands) they could completely trust with their offspring.
While I’m well aware that some unfortunately have absolutely no one to fall back on, I feel that many young parents have a network of grandparents, aging aunts and uncles who’d love nothing more than to spend time with the young tots. A recent article stated that grandparents could benefit by hanging out with grand-kids as it could keep Alzheimer’s at bay. Now, mind you the study really just speaks to social isolation vs. social interaction but our parents may not be at that stage yet as they still have lives, however it’s still great ammunition to use when you really want them to babysit :)!
At the end of the day, I’ve heard many complain that while I’m lucky to have hands on people in my life who are capable of taking care of the kids, their own parents could never do that for their kids. While this may be true in a rare set of cases, I truly beleive that the real issue is these people are unable to let go and empower the grandparents. Grandparents are mostly lovely folks whose sole purpose of living are their kids and grandkids. So why not give them the chance to hang out with the tots (especially on those whiny days when the kids are craving EXTRA TLC)?
Last weekend my plan was to chill with the kids and maybe hit up a museum or go skating and when my parents called us on Thursday to suggest that they’d like to take the kids to Niagara on the Lake, my initial reaction was “..but why? We don’t have any plans.” I even suggested that my parents come hangout in downtown Toronto with us but as things worked out, Little Monkey and Baby Boy wanted to head to Niagara on the Lake. The hubs and I had a relaxing weekend in the end, of course, but it took me a while to come around to the idea. While I completely trust my parents to look after the kids, this was the first time that they insisted taking them away without us having a real reason to have the kids out of the house. That’s when it dawned on me how the grandparents are looking for their own one on one interactions with the kids.
For those struggling to trust the human beings that raised them, here’s some advice
- Empower the grandparents – Spending time engaging in multi-generational activities will enable everyone to learn the basics and give the grandparents the confidence to manage the kids. I allowed the grandparents to be involved from the moment they came into the recovery room right after my delivery! This means that both sets of grandparents know how to handle the big tasks and how to handle the kids.
- Accept that things will be done differently – Both sets of moms have their own ways of handling the kids and they spoil them to no end, and that’s okay. The kids will soon learn that “what happens at Grandma’s stays at Grandma’s!” Ensure the grandparents aren’t reprimanded for the little things they do that doesn’t match up to your way of doing things.
- Respect and understand the bond – Grandparents and kids have a relationship, similar to the one you have with your bff! They’ll have secrets and inside jokes before you know it and you’ll just have to smile and nod. I truly believe that both sides can benefit from this healthy relationship and the kids learn new things and traditional actions.
- Thank them – As much as grandparents adore the kids and love them to bits, remember your kids can be entirely tiresome and quite a handful (what, only mine are like that?) so ensure you thank the grandparents, surprise them with fun activities that even you join in on and most of all, be sure to keep a healthy gap between the weekend long sessions! Trust me, they need the time to rest their ticker!
Now come on, your parents may not have buckled you in a car seat and done Lamaze classes when you were a kid, but that doesn’t mean they didn’t raise you up in an healthy environment. You turned out semi-okay right? Go on…hang out together and then hand the kids off and enjoy a well deserved night (or weekend) out!
What are your struggles in letting the grandparents be more involved?
Nikita
January 20, 2016 at 1:37 pmNone whatsoever. Grandparents are meant to spoil their grandkiddies – I’m suspicious of the ones who are reluctant to babysit – and there are some!. I do get some friends who do not want to relinquish complete control to grandparents and will only let them have interactions with parental supervision. I’ve heard some claim it’s better for the grandparents health (physically too demanding) or for safety of their kid (cannot run after my child when he runs into the street) or that the bedtime routine ‘goes off’ and the whole week is ruined.
Yashy
January 21, 2016 at 11:42 amVery true. I guess we’re lucky we have healthy parents around and I would be worried if I thought safety was an issue as well. As for the bedtime routine.. we’ve had that happen on numerous occasions and it’s just one small thing to ignore for the greater good, in mind. And yes.. I’m suspicious along with you on that one!
Brandee
January 20, 2016 at 5:59 pmYour title kind-of made me laugh. My mom is gone. And My in-laws have no desire to be a part of their grandsons life. I am so jealous!! My son is missing out on so much by not having grandparents to be with!! Those of you who do, are very lucky. My aunt and my godmother stepped in and are a significant part of his life. I think it is essential! 🙂
Yashy
January 21, 2016 at 11:41 amAnything to make you laugh lady 🙂 We all need some humour in our lives and I try my best to embrace it. I’m so glad to hear that your son has others in life who step up in other ways to ensure he knows how loved he is. Sounds like your aunt and godmother are the perfect “wise ones” for him.
Salma
January 21, 2016 at 1:13 pmIt is definitely tough to give up all that control and not know what’s going on with the kids. But it’s all nice to have time away. For the first 4 years of having kids, we didn’t have any grandparents around, so now that we have moved back, I definitely appreciate them!
Yashy
January 21, 2016 at 9:54 pmControl has definitely been the keyword with this issue – it’s all about striking that right balance. I’m glad to hear you guys are closer to family now.
Sandra Azar
January 24, 2016 at 8:22 amMy parents helped me with my child a lot when he was young, so I’m all agree to let grandparents babysitting as long as they are still healthy and fexible and able to keep our child safe 🙂 I think almost all of us are lucky that we had some good memories with our grandparents right?
Yashy
January 25, 2016 at 9:56 amYes! My grandmother is still a force to reckon with and is very hands on in raising my teenage cousins and I’m looking forward to visiting us very soon.
Maryanne
January 27, 2016 at 1:39 pmNot all parents are those type of grandparents. Both of my parents are still living. My father has always refused to baby sit any of his grandkids out of “fairness”. My mother will make an excuse last minute on why she can’t take them. If do get her to look after your kid (because you were REALLY suck and it was an emergency), it becomes a point that she can complain about. How it put her out (even though she doesn’t work or do any activities out of the home). Never once have my parents offered to have the kids over.
I get sad that my in laws have both passed because they would have been much better grandparents.
Yashy
January 27, 2016 at 8:49 pmI’m so sorry to hear that. I have seen your side of the story before in my own circle as well and it’s a tough one. My advice to them have been to lean on friends like us who are happy to watch their kids on date nights and most definitely during emergencies. I hope you have a close knit circle of friends to fall back on. It’s definitely tough when the grandparents aren’t able or don’t want to be fully hands on.
Tori
February 25, 2016 at 11:38 amMy parents go crazy if they don’t see my children regularly. We moved to a town half an hour away, and shortly thereafter, they listed the house they lived in for 20 years, picked up and moved to within a few blocks because they didn’t “want to be more than 10 minutes away from the kids”… I can’t tell you how many times I’ve heard, “It’s been awhile since we’ve seen the kids”, and it’s been literally 3 days. Both of my parents have great, special relationships with all 3 of my children. Their own bonds, inside jokes, quirks. More often than not, it’s my parents asking for the kids to come over and to have sleepovers, than it is the kids asking (although they ask quite often. as well)… My parents love babysitting, and I love having that option. It’s mutually beneficial, and I think it provides our kids with some great memories. I’m glad that they’ll have these memories and bonds with my parents, since my own grandparents were quite absent.
Yashy
February 26, 2016 at 10:33 amTotally love that they are into it… grandbabies keep them super happy I bet!
Lucky Kabir
April 15, 2016 at 7:51 amI live with my In-laws and they absolutely love to take care of our baby. Actually, we are a lot relieved as they stay with us. And Fida, my girl, also loves their company a lot. It actually is important for your baby to socialize.
Yashy
April 15, 2016 at 4:52 pmYEs.. social babies make for social adults 🙂