Earlier this week Twitter was a buzz over a famous Chicago restaurateur calling out a couple who brought their 8 month old baby to the much coveted Alinea.
Here’s the tweet that started it all….
As always there’s two sides that emerged… the “babies should be banned from fine dining establishments” and the “parents are people too”. Now to set the scene; Alinea is a ticketed restaurant and people wait ages to get in. Baby cries. Achatz has kids of his own.
Whatever. With two kids under three and being a food loving family we dine out plenty. 132+ restaurants and counting with our kid who is now a two year old foodie baby.
I am NOT going to ONLY eat at casual fast dining chains. Neither will I subject my kids to them. I want to expose them to as many cultures and tastes as possible and not raise kids who only eat fries and pizza. Sure our toddler would be thrilled to eat fries and pizza but having tried fresh miso glazed salmon, prime rib and hand churned pasta – she loves those too. Besides why should someone dining at IHOP be subjected to a crying baby but not someone dining at Alinea? At the end of the day the disposable income to total income ratio is probably the same. Hard earned money being spent on a meal no matter where the dining happens.
Babies need not be banned from fine dining restaurants. I blame the parents.
Yes you read that right. Everyone has their dinglehoppers up in arms over WHY THERE WAS A BABY there when in reality the question should be WHY DID THE PARENTS NOT CALM THE BABY? Why did one of them not take the baby out for a few minutes without subjecting everyone to the wails? I’m assuming the crying fest lasted more than one minute for everyone to have their black truffle infused tagliolini in a twist.
I’ve been there… fancy spot. Fussy baby. FINE. I quickly drop everything and tend to the kid’s needs. Is it entertainment? Hunger? A quick walk? Whatever is the matter we can solve it on the spot or go outside for a few minutes to calm down. Marching a child out to discuss the issue teaches them that crying is not an option where we are. She can cry and tantrum throw at home all she wants. Just not when we’re out. It’s a slow journey, she still has her fits but we’ve enjoyed PLENTY of meals in peace. She’s also not allowed to run around at restaurants either.
If I know it’s a bad day and nothing can calm her down I won’t take her out. It’s just a human courtesy. If I have no choice and have to go out then I go armed with plenty of ammunition- Snacks, entertainment and toys.
As some who patrons fine dining establishments I don’t want babies to be banned but parents who don’t know how to handle their crying babies should be! Same goes for loud talkers and those who can’t hold their booze.
Everything Mom and Baby
January 15, 2014 at 12:18 pmGreat post. We dine out a lot as hubby is in the restaurant business. Our kids are pretty good but if one acts out we pack it up and go or I tend to the problem. I’ve never understood parents who “let” their kids act up and ignore it so we can all enjoy the crying and tantrums. We used to go to the Abbot and every Sunday would be a shit show(before we had kids) and parents there got a lot of stink eye, lol.
Anonymous
January 15, 2014 at 4:38 pmI hate blanket bans on anything, so a general ban on babies at fine dining restaurants, hellz no. In fine dining establishments like Alinea/Next/Per Se etc where one pays $300-$500pp, waits for the opportunity for months/years, and may have travelled from another city just for dinner, hellz yeah. As much as I would love to bring my future kid with me everywhere, it isn’t the appropriate place for 99% of the kids/babies out there. 15-20 courses, 3-4 hr experiential meal, no kid has that much patience. Hell, sometimes I don’t have that much patience. And because of how finely timed each dish is, I wouldn’t want to have to take a fussing child out for walks around the block while my food got cold. It wouldn’t be fair to me or to the people that we’d be dining with.
Yashy
January 16, 2014 at 4:49 pmThanks for sharing your views! Appreciate that. I can see where you’re coming from though keep in mind airplane journeys are much longer than 3-4 hours and cost way more than than said meal. My gumption is that if I can entertain my kid on those journeys I can do the same when dining out 😉
Bronwyn Joy
January 18, 2014 at 6:09 amWell, look – I think the biggest point here is that an ideal world would have casual dining places which served fresh miso glazed salmon (which happens to be my 5yo’s favourite – but we always eat it at the local hawker centre and it’s very relaxed and everyone is being loud).
The problem is that some regions have a firmly segregated “adult world” and “children’s world” and few true “family places” where everyone can be catered to, even Grandma. And really, as long as we keep spending our energy saying they’re wrong, no they’re wrong, the problem doesn’t go away, because we’re not really working on a solution.
I have to begin with this but feel free to skip this paragraph. You can’t really judge parents on a snapshot of behaviour at a restaurant. There’s a recent post on my blog where a commenter argues that ignoring bad behaviour in children is the correct response – and whole nations agree, yet here we have people saying it’s the worst thing ever, and the truth is it’s works for some kids and in some scenarios and no onlooker is really in a position to say if it’s the best thing in this case or not. Same goes for marching them out when they misbehave – we used to think that was the “right” response until we learnt the hard way that this tactic actually makes ONE of our children play up harder and more frequently at restaurants. We use different strategies now and things have turned around. Probably there was someone who thought marching them out was the only correct response who was looking at us funny at one point during the re-training period (though I never noticed).
Ok if you skipped you can start reading again.
Don’t get me wrong – I’m happy to have some places which are adults only, and not just bars. There’s a cafe strip in my home town which, due to weird licensing laws, can’t serve anyone under eighteen at any time of day. It’s nice to have an adults-only cafe in town. But it’s on a whole strip of cafes, several of which actively welcome families WITHOUT resorting to fast food and chips, no it’s not really a big deal and nobody is missing out.
There’s also family-friendly movie sessions which show a full selection of films, including art house/foreign language films – kids, including babies, are explicitly welcome (I don’t think they show anything which is legally restricted to 15+ but apart from that parents just use their own discretion). Of course parents don’t mind taking the baby to the family showing of the French Film Festival if given the option, instead of risking disruption in the general session.
Fancy brunch spots in Singapore usually provide a play room (supervised and with entertainers, if you’re really fancy) off to one side so kids, parents, and everyone else can be happy at their fine dining establishment. The kids are still welcome at the table, but they don’t have to be there the whole time and if they unexpectedly have an off day there is flexibility to respond appropriately. AND they mostly still manage to charge less than $300-500 a meal. At those prices, might we expect a slightly more constructive response from Alinea? Isn’t excellence in service one of the things they’re selling?
Yashy
January 18, 2014 at 12:34 pmLet’s get this done first – Bronwyn thank you for the longest, most detailed reply ever! I LOVE IT! 🙂
All valid points. Totally agree on the lack of a solution by pointing fingers. A good mix of options in every city is what’s called for.
Each kid is different that’s very true – I still remember my parents marching me home after a tantrum and missing out on dessert was the saddest thing ever ( I was 4) but ever since then…I never acted up in public. Well.. then I became a teen and that’s a whole other story. hah!
I’ve heard of places with a mix of entertainment options for kids … don’t think there’s one in Toronto just yet (maybe I should open one!) but I will hunt one down on our travels to experience it. Perhaps this means I need to come back to Singapore for a visit! 🙂 Thanks for stopping by!